Col’s out at football and I figure it was time for a slight brain dump – better to travel with a clear head than a heavy heart eh?

Have you ever been inside your own head too long?

Col and I have spent the last few weeks sick, we’ve not had walking pneumonia like a friend of mine had, but we’ve been pretty sick.  We’ve both been to see a doctor, both had rounds of antibiotics and are both still trying to shake the last dreggs of whatever this is that’s working on us.  It’s exhausting! (and not to mention annoying hacking up pieces of lung every day!)

By day, I’ve been, for the most part, in isolation.  Being contagious, I’ve wanted to keep it away from my friends.  The evenings haven’t been much better, with Col coming home from work and almost going straight to bed as he’s been feeling crappy.  It’s been a lot of time on my own, with nothing much other than my thoughts…and some Army Wives to keep me distracted from my inner turmoil.

Have you ever felt muzzled? Like you can’t speak the things you’d love nothing more to say (or write), for fear that you’d make an already impossibly messy and  apparently irresolvable situation worse?

It’s horrible, it’s like you’re trapped inside your own head.  You end up going in circles, what you’ve said, what you’ve done, what other people have said, events that transpired, thinking how things could have and perhaps even should have gone differently.

I asked my husband how he finds his inner peace, how he isn’t preoccupied or ‘stuck’ on events of the past, things people have said and how best to move forward.

His answer was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me,

‘I’ve reached a level in my life where I’m happy at home, where I’m happy with what’s waiting for me when I get home, nothing else really matters’

I’m holding on to that with both hands and I can’t wait for our far Eastern Honeymoon in Malaysia in T minus 3 days and counting!!