Friends, I have shared every step of my fertility journey so far, and today won’t be any different. Though I’ll admit now, that I’m not my usual chipper self, and, as I explained to a friend last night, I’m, well, sad.

I’ve had a tough week or so, starting with my best friend, my big brother and my goddaughter moving across the globe.  July 1st was supposed to be “D-day”, I’d go to hospital, have my blood tested (progesterone levels) and have my period forced (because by July 1st my cycle would have been 30 days).

Because my cycle is normally north of 35 days, I didn’t ask what would happen if my period came by itself, and I guess that I was holding on to faint hope that this would be my month, and I wouldn’t need any further treatment.

Unfortunately for me, my period came on Friday morning as I headed off to my 2-day scrap-booking convention in the Woodlands.  Devastated and unsure of what the hell to do, I called my doctors office a few times and after no one picking up, I left a message between classes.

The reply came that I was to call back to schedule a baseline, day 1, ultrasound “today”.  My heart sank, I’ve waited a whole year for this convention, paid a lot of money, and now I had to leave? Ugh!

Fighting tears, I called back to leave another message, I told them I wasn’t in Houston, asked what time they were open until, or if the Woodlands had a facility I could use between classes, so that I didn’t have to have Col come up from Houston (he’d dropped me off), take me down for a two-minute scan and take me back to the convention – missing classes I’d paid for in the mean time.

An hour past, two, and I got progressively more pissed off.  Firstly for the lack of communication, and secondly because no-one had mentioned the fact that I’d need a ‘day 1 baseline ultrasound’  full stop.

I called and called, and called again.  I finally got hold of someone, who told me I should have left a message (I had done), that she tried calling me back at 3.30pm (she didn’t – though after some investigation, I discovered she called the home phone and left a message there, which, considering I had told her I was in the Woodlands until Saturday evening, wasn’t very helpful at all).  My frustration mounted.  She eventually told me that it was fine to have the ultrasound done on Monday cause it’d be day three – firstly, it’s not day 3, it’s day 4 and secondly, if you call me and tell me I need a day 1 baseline ultrasound done, today, but what you actually mean is ‘any time over the next few days’, TELL me that.  I spent all day Friday stressing and worrying about this stupid ultrasound that wasn’t even urgent to begin with!!

Ugh! (are you sensing my frustration??)

I bit my tongue, booked my ultrasound appointment for Monday at 9.15am and had a margarita.

Monday morning, around 7.30am, I get a reminder about my 10am appointment.  Now, prior to my period starting on it’s own, I had an appointment on Monday morning for my blood-work, but since it started itself, there had been no further mention of bloods, so I assumed it was no longer needed.  The clinic didn’t open to 8.30am and my ‘first’ appointment was at 9.15am – thankfully both in the same place, and only about 20 minutes from my house, but still, this wasn’t leaving me much time!

The lady on the phone confirmed that I had indeed got two appointments.  Alrighty then! I guess they *do* need a blood draw after all.  I get ready and head out the door, I’m about half a mile from my house, stopped at the red light at Dulles/HWY6 when some stupid cow, who I SEE is distracted in my rear-view mirror, rolls her car into the back of mine.  It wasn’t major (we were both stopped, or at least one of us was) but it was just the wrong thing at the wrong time.  She’d already started to write her details by the time I got out of the car, I called Col (who was just leaving the house for work) and he said I should call the cops, but considering just how minor it all seemed, I just took the chicks information, and headed to the clinic.

At the clinic they informed me they are using a new patient records system, they are having some kinks, and that actually, I don’t need a blood draw, just the internal ultrasound.  AGH! I hate lack of organisation!

It was my first time in the Sugar Land branch for treatment (I’ve picked up a blood-order there before) and I have to say, as a facility, I loved it.  It’s close to my house, quiet, small, the staff were lovely and from what I gathered, it offers a range of treatments there – anything that takes a trip to the med-center off my calendar, is good with me!

Now for the medical stuff, let me tell you,  when the lady on the phone told me on Friday that she wanted to do an internal ultrasound – it felt like a kick in the stomach.  First thought: what the heck can you even see while you’re on your period? but as the weekend progressed I just had a sick feeling in my stomach, I was becoming more and more distressed, the mere thought of it was disgusting, more invasive than a regular ultrasound and I just felt so, dejected.

Perhaps it was a snowballing effect of events that had transpired over the weekend, but I was so low.  I felt like it was going to be this totally horrific violation, my period (and I am sure probably many of your periods) is a very private time for me, they don’t even do a regular pap-smear during your period, and this woman wanted to wave the wand of doom at me during it?

Like I said, I wasn’t happy, I think it was the first time that the weight of everything really bore down on me.  My period had come, so my last-chance at unaided pregnancy had gone-by, I wasn’t prepared emotionally for what they wanted to do, and the whole thing just sucked.

Everything ran through my head, most notably that I shouldn’t have to have this done, because I was supposed to be pregnant by now.

Anyways, the test itself was quick, probably two minutes, max.  As she was doing it, I asked her what she could possibly SEE during my period, and the scan then became educational – she showed me things, talked me through it, telling me things as she went, so it ended up not being quite as bad as I thought it would be.

Right side: 2-3 follicles

Left side: 3 follicles

Apparently this is good, she said all was clear and there were seemingly no cysts in my uterus to be problematic for implantation.  She said one of my follicles were 14-15mm and she seemed happy at this.  I have no idea, this is all brand-new to me and I fear a sharp learning curve, so I just kinda nodded along with a glazed look on my face and tried to absorb information.

Rumour has it, that the minimum size of mature follicle is 18mm, but if it’s with clomid/femera (fertility medication) they look for closer to 20mm, so I guess that the 14-15mm follicle wasn’t bad going for my first/baseline scan, only 3-4mm left of growing to do before it’s ‘primed’ I guess.

Her instructions were these:

• Take a home pregnancy test post-scan, to doubly check I’m not pregnant.  This felt very demoralizing to me – not a lot of fun.
• Take the femera (not clomid like I anticipated, so I’ll have to do some research and ask my RE next time I see him, why he chose femera over clomid) for the next 4 days of my cycle.
• Day 11 (8th July) start doing opk tests to test for ovulation
• Day 12 (9th July) go back in for another internal ultrasound to see how the follicles are growing after the round of fertility meds.
• If I don’t ovulate, she gave me a prescription for a ‘shot’ ($120!!!) to self-administer, to force my body to ovulate – though she told me to tell the pharmacy not to give it to me yet, to see if I absolutely need it first.  I truly hope I don’t, cause I’m not sure I’m ready for giving myself shots yet!
• Then comes the sperm-wash/IUI, which I don’t even want to think about yet! One step at a time!

Things to ask: After doing a little research, I have discovered that I need to double check with the ultrasound lady or my RE next time I see him, what size of follicle justifies use of the ‘trigger shot’ with regards to IUI.  Follicles grow 1-2mm per day and grow a little more with the ‘trigger shot’, some people trigger as low as 16mm, some at least 18-21mm, opinions and doctors vary, so I want to know what ballpark I’m playing in here.

I’m exhausted, emotional and contemplating getting a massage to help me chill out a little.  Thankfully my friends are rallying around me, and are being very patient with me.  I have told them that as much as I want to see them, I’ve kept this week and next, rather empty – just in case these meds knock me on my arse and I have to then cancel everything.  Though it has left me with a very pitifully empty calendar this week and totally ZERO planned for July 4th, which is unheard of in this house.

I even have a friend who has been-there, done-that, who has been exceptionally helpful answering my questions lightening-fast these last few days, who also sent me a care-package of fertility goodies to help me on my journey – and I’m deeply grateful to her for everything she’s doing for me.

Anyway, we’re climbing the fertility treatment ladder faster than we have done before, so, as I said, the learning curve is steep, we’re both thinking positive and feeling confident.  I think now that my RE has said that it’s now his job to get us pregnant, we’ve both relaxed a little more and I’ve put my faith in the medicine – though that didn’t stop me hoping I got pregnant on my own last cycle.

We’re entering a whole new world of: follicle measuring, follicle growing (and we’re talking mm so tiny growing), medication, follicle re-measuring, IUI’s and, with any luck, pregnancy.

So…I fully expect to be pregnant with ’10lb per baby twins’ any month now! LOL! (I’m only half kidding… large babies run in Col’s family and twins run in mine….)

Think pregnant thoughts folks!