Warning: Some of this post may be considered TMI.  But I am resolved to share my fertility journey, so get over it.

I’m just in through the door from appointment #2 with my reproductive endocrinologist.

I can finally breathe again, for a few weeks – at least.

My hubby gave me his usual post-appointment hug.  He told me that it’s not easy, that we’ll get there and he’s proud of the hard work I’m putting in to achieve increasing our family from two to three.

Once he gets done with the meeting he’s currently having upstairs, he’ll stick on the kettle and produce a steaming hot cuppa and some form of chocolate treat.

I’ll say it every time, but I have a truly wonderful husband.  He is going to make a fantastic father, hopefully some day soon!

The last few days have been stressful, I’m noticing a pattern – though really, it’s hard to miss.  When my appointment in the med center looms, I feel a distinct lack of control, I don’t sleep well and I eat all kinds of crap.  I worry, I stress and I am afraid.  I want to be alone, curl up in a dark room and stew in my own self-doubts.

What will the test results show? What will he say? What will the next step be? What if he’s found something that means we are totally infertile?

It’s not an easy process, but there’s few things I like less than just sitting in the waiting room, anticipating them calling your name.  They still call me Ms McMaster, maybe some day soon they’ll start to call me Las, like they did to the lady who came in after us, newborn in-tow.

‘One – nil to Dr Grunert’, Col whispers (after having heard the lady announce who she was there to see)

‘Actually two-one to Dr Dunn by my reckoning, remember who referred us here’ was my reply.

I guess I was feeling confident today!

We were seen on time, which, considering the lady at the desk told me he was at least thirty minutes behind on appointments, was a miracle.  I have a feeling he skipped lunch, naughty doctor Dunn, but I appreciated the gesture to ensure we were seen on time.

Let me give you the low-down on what Col refers to as my ‘report card’.

• Firstly, they have no results back from my ‘Day 3’ bloods that I had taken in Iowa last week.  He said they could be back this afternoon or tomorrow, now that he’s chased, but he didn’t have them on-hand.

• My ‘general’ blood panel all came back good, with the small exception of being too low on Vitamin D.  His office referred me to a mail order website to get some Vitamin D supplements from, which, after seeing the price of $20 per month, I wasn’t convinced.  So I held out from ordering it, until today when I’d had the chance to talk to him about why this hugely high-dose vit. D was better than anything I could pick up off the shelf in CVS.  He told me that in basic terms, they are trying to ‘fill my war chest’ full, so that when I get pregnant and the baby starts to drain my vit. D, I’ll have enough of a stock pile to keep my levels at a healthy 50/60 (normal is 30-100).

• The horrific blood glucose test that I endured (not for the last time) showed something a little more interesting.  He advised that I took the test as a warning, and to work hard toward never having to do it again – or at least, having to do it only when I’m in my last trimester of pregnancy, and no other times.  My test showed that I was on the high end of normal, which, for someone my age, apparently isn’t normal and puts me into the category of insulin resistant.

• My first TransV ultrasound showed that I have healthy ovaries as well as a number of smaller cysts – tell me something I don’t know 😉

• He wants me to be on full-dose Metformin for at least 3-4 weeks before we take the next steps, so my body has adjusted to the new ‘norm’ for a while first.  I’ve been on full-dose for about 4 days now, which was a little frustrating because I’m currently approaching ovulation, so I expected some team of overly peppy superheros to drop down from the sky and kick-start some form of action this morning.  However, he didn’t need blood, he didn’t need tests, it was just a chat.  Which left me a little bummed, I’ll admit, but considering how hard it’s been for me to get up to taking 1500 Metformin every day (and the fact that July 1st isn’t really all that far away), there’s really no way I could have changed the time-line, so I’ll just suck up the month of ‘dead time’ and get on with it.

What’s next?

What’s next is that shit get’s serious!

• Col’s follow up test in a week or two (we knew that from last time)
• I’m to call on July 1st for blood test, after which they’ll force a period if I haven’t yet had one.
• I’m to take Clomid (ovulation medication) from day 3-8 of my cycle.
• A week later I’m to go in for an ultrasound to ensure follicles are growing.
• After ultrasound, if we decide to, we can also do a sperm wash/insemination (it’s up to us to chose whether to do the wash or do it the old fashioned way).  Which is where they take Col’s swimmers, ‘wash’ it, so there’s only the ‘good’ stuff left (you’d be surprised how many ‘dud’ sperm there are) and essentially use a turkey baster.

As you can tell, the romance of baby making is a myth.

Since it’s ovulation week, we’re proceeding on-plan.  With one small adjustment, I felt emotionally strong enough to get back to peeing on sticks to test for ovulation – and will continue to do that for the rest of this cycle (Dr Dunn suggested sometimes people get two positive readings for ovulation, but stop after the first one so never know about the second, so I’m testing for that this month).

Between now and July 1st, I’ll continue to eat better (in the hopes that I lose a few more lbs before I go back and see Dr Dunn – mostly cause he gave me a hi-five after hearing I’ve lost 3.5lbs in the last two weeks).  I’ll take my Metformin, vitamins, additional folic acid and I’ll order some vitamin D tablets, I’m also hoping to get back to water aerobics at the Y to take care of the exercise part of the equation.

Once again, he seemed pretty confident that he’s going to get us pregnant, which was reassuring and on our way out of his office Col congratulated me for having a good report card, which, in retrospect I guess I DID get.  Nothing majorly wrong, the Metformin will help with the wacky sugar readings and my ovaries look healthy to-boot.

All positives…so…

Let’s get this show on the road!