In spite of being advised not to blog about things that I intend on doing, or not doing as a parent (as children often make fools of their parents). It is my belief, that everyone’s gotta have a plan. You can’t go in blind. At least, I, miss lists, plans and organisation, certainly can’t.
Everyone will always think they have the best ideas for what you should do for your baby, most of them are well-intentioned, and unless you’ve done your own reading and have your own ideas of the kind of parent you’d like to be, you could get very easily confused and overwhelmed by all of the ‘stuff’ that’s out there about how to be a ‘good’ parent.
People assume because this is my first time being pregnant, that I don’t know anything about babies. It’s as though all of the ‘oh you’re so great with kids, you’ll make such a good mom’ of my infertility days never happened, it’s all about the advice. I spend a lot of my time around children, and babies and have done a lot of research on certain aspects of parenting already.
Yes, I want to try breastfeeding.
Yes, I want to try cloth diapering (as well as disaposable diapering!)
Yes, we’ll have a co-sleeper (mostly for ease of aforementioned breastfeeding) but baby won’t be in bed with us.
Yes, our baby will cry it out.
Yes, I want to try baby-led weaning.
Yes, I would like to feed/sleep on a schedule (vs demand).
Yes, I would like for baby not to have a pacifier (I know this one is probably a pipe-dream before we even start!)
Yes, our kid will probably watch more TV/youtube than (s)he should.
Yes, we will try and eat out and travel with our kid(s) to help them learn how to behave in social situations.
Yes, our kid will go in to part time day care whether I work or not (I hear the judgy gasps from behind the computer screens!) – partly for my own mental health and partly for baby to interact with both other children and other adults.
Heck, if cord blood banking was cheaper and easier to access once it’s banked – I’d even be doing that! or at least donating my cord blood (which, I don’t think I can. I can’t even donate regular blood here cause of a mad cow outbreak in the UK when I was young).
If they don’t work, then I really don’t think that makes me a fool. I’ll do my best and try to be the best damn mother I can be, if it doesn’t work for baby and parents, then we’ll try something different.
However, like I said, I gotta be educated and I gotta have a plan!
The decisions, are actually the easiest part of the process to make. The difficult part, is defending your choices, sometimes to everyone around you, who ‘know better’ because they have kids, or who think you’re naive because you’re a new parent.
And while the advice can be nice, and helpful and oftentimes open your eyes to suggestions you previously hadn’t considered, only you will know what works best for your baby, you may figure that out instantly when the wee’un is born, or it may take you weeks or months, but you’ll figure it out. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
At the end of the day, we all want a healthy, happy baby, who eats well, sleeps well and is good around other kids and independent enough for us to take care of things that need taken care of.
Our methods of getting there, don’t all have to be the same.
Here, here! Well planned out and well said 🙂 x
Thanks m’dear, here’s hoping it all goes to plan 😉
I agree with most of that stuff. Especially the advice part. Everyone has advice and it contrasts all the time. Very exhausting from what I’ve seen.
Let me know if you find any particularly good/useful books!
I haven’t really read anything, Col has read a great book called ‘Commando dad’ and it’s the most ‘real’ and down to earth book he’s read that isn’t ‘you need to do this’ ‘make sure you don’t do this’, it’s from a real life dad who just writes his own experiences with his own babies.
Hey, I am a stalker – sorry, friend of Frances. A wife and an ex-pat, but not an ex-pat wife 🙂 I loved this post – I am like you: must have a plan!! Some of worked out (I will go back to work at 3 weeks = worked well), some semi-worked out (Child will have own room = OK, technically true, but I spent a lot of time sleeping in there) and some not at all: (I will not use cry-it-out = sleep routines and cues failed, so we did and it was wonderful for us!). I don’t feel a failure for what did not work out, but I am glad I had some ideas and tried my way first. Good luck 🙂
Hey Lekki,
I feel like I know you already, I’ve heard a lot about you, thanks for dropping by 🙂
I’m glad you had a plan, I’m also glad that you were flexible enough and open minded enough to try some things that you had previously thought ‘meh, not so much’. Thanks for the luck, I feel like I’ll need it!!