Yes, I said it. The ‘P’ word.
If you had told me this time last year, that I would be writing my “Join the movement” blog entry for National Infertility Awareness Week 2014, while sat nursing our six-week old baby son at 1am, I’d not have believed you. In fact, I’d have laughed in your face.
It’s ok to hope…
It’s ok to dream big…
They say, ‘stay positive’, and you try. Really, you do. Or, at least you think you do. But my self doubt about getting pregnant, was never so apparent, as when I got pregnant and experienced an overwhelming sense of shock, disbelief and found myself wholly unprepared for the world of pregnancy whilst having lived through infertility.
I was isolated, lonely, I didn’t feel like I fitted in with my TTC friends any more, I didn’t feel like I fitted in with my pregnant friends either – our journeys had been different, and, in short, I was petrified.
Every time I went to the bathroom, I expected blood.
Every time I went to the OB’s office, I expected bad news.
Every time I had a scan, I expected, nothing.
I was wholly unprepared.
And, in hindsight, if we had to have progressed along the fertility path a little more (as in, beyond sperm wash and IUI), I’d have been wholly unprepared for that too. What were the next steps? Was I ready to take them? How far was I willing to go? How far were WE willing to go? What was the cost of the treatments being offered to us? What did our insurance cost? So many questions – so little answers.
Resolve to know more.
Be educated.
We tend to head down the path of fertility, taking one step at a time, daring to keep the faith – as little as is physically possible, to get us through our monthly cycle, and just enough to keep us sane and seem like we’re positive to friends and family. But are we truly faithful that all will come good at the end of our journey? I’m not 100% sure that I was.
What comes next?
Regardless of where you are on your fertility journey, you should educate yourself on what stage comes next, especially when it comes to pregnancy – the word no TTC couple dares to whisper, focus on, or think about. But I do believe that you should – even just once – think about how it’s going to be and then throw every thought you just had, out the window (cause for me, it was nothing like I was expecting!)
For me, it was such a shell-shock, such a baptism by fire, that I even wrote a blog in an attempt to channel my experiences and findings, and figure my journey out as I waded deeper in to my pregnancy (“Fertility whilst pregnant” found here) feelings, thoughts and emotions that I wasn’t prepared for, hadn’t given thought to or considered, it didn’t help much – I still floundered.
I really struggled through my pregnancy, instead of enjoying every single moment, I was overwhelmed, guarded, cautious and waiting with baited breath for the moment that someone would tell me it was over, something went wrong, or, they’d made a mistake and I wasn’t really pregnant to begin with.
But that’s normal, right? You go month to month living in hope, only to be shattered when your period arrives. You had hope, you had faith, you were strong and positive and then you had your dreams shattered by your very own body. It’s tough. So how can you plough into a nine month new journey, (that you had doubts about ever happening to begin with), totally positive, excited and ready to face what comes your way?
Don’t be uneducated about pregnancy for those who have endured and conquered infertility, resolve to know more – about the next step – even if that next step is getting pregnant, carrying a healthy baby to term and giving birth to that which you have dared to dream about for so long during your fertility journey.
Be ready.
Be resolved.
Because your fertility journey could end as abruptly as mine did – and then what?
- Resolve to know more about when to see a fertility specialist.
- Resolve to know more about all your family building options.
- Resolve to know more about infertility advocacy.
- Resolve to know more about the latest treatment options.
- Resolve to know more about the disease of infertility.
- Resolve to know more about adoption.
- Resolve to know more about PREGNANCY.
For those of you who aren’t yet aware, the national infertility association is called RESOLVE. Each year, RESOLVE celebrates National Infertility Awareness Week with a blog theme, and this year, it’s ‘Resolve to know more’. I am joining, for the third year in a row, because I, and many, many people who I love in my life, have been touched by the horrible affliction of infertility and I think it’s something that needs shared and talked about more – not swept under a rug. You’ll see from my blog that I’m not a ‘once a year’ fertility blogger, fertility is something I talk about a lot, even during my recent time being pregnant.
I have a couple of blog posts about my own infertility journey here:
Don’t ignore, every path has it’s puddle (Join the movement 2012 Entry)
Taking the first step, for the second time
Hope: Thy name is Shelley Join the movement (2013 Entry)
I have also started a Fertility Friends segment, sharing stories (some, anonymously) from friends of mine who want to share their own journey. If that’s you – please get in touch!
We’re all in this together.
We are not alone.
We are RESOLVED.
I was RESOLVED and now, I have a son, who, when he’s old enough, will understand the trials we went through to get him – and perhaps, too, his siblings.
Don’t give up.