When Col came home, he went upstairs to get changed and when he came down, he sorted himself a drink, picked up a slice of left over cake from yesterday and flopped onto the sofa.  The cake headed straight to his mouth and I squealed, ‘WHY ARE YOU EATING FOOD?’, the conversation went something like this,

Col – ‘Uh, why? Are you making dinner soon?’

Las – ‘I made it while you were upstairs, I’m feeling so underappreciated right now that you didn’t notice’

Col – ‘Ah well the lack of evidence seemed to suggest you hadn’t started dinner yet’

Las – ‘I started and finished, the doorbell will ring in about 30 minutes’

Col – *the penny drops and he starts to laugh* ‘Italian?’

Las – ‘Yup’

Col – ‘Perfect, it’s quarter to 5, I’m in my pjs with my feet up and my pizza is on the way!’

LOL! I’d take a picture, but he’d kick my ass!

So, I’ve never been particularly good at accepting compliments.  Partly, perhaps, because I’ve never *really* had much self confidence.  Sure, I can appear confident like the best of us, however I’ve never been happy with how I look and although I tend to be my harshest critic (much to Colin’s displeasure), I’ve never been comfortable with hearing people telling me nice things about myself.

This isn’t me seeking compliments, for the record, I’m just saying.  I used to fight people when they paid me a compliment, come up with some smartass counter-quip which put down the compliment they’d just said to me – a knee-jerk, shrugged it off or debated, until I discovered that that made it worse.  They either thought I was modest and seeking more, or emphasised their compliments more!

I can honestly say, I’m pretty clueless on how the hell I managed to get Col.  I ask him sometimes, never really expecting an answer.  Sometimes I’d love one, an answer I mean, and other times? Well, if I knew all of the reasons why he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me – there’s a pretty good chance I’d do something to screw it up, or change the individual things by concentrating so hard on trying to do the exact opposite!

Lately, I’ve been getting nothing BUT compliments.  Especially in the last fortnight or so.  It’s all so bizarre and I’m ill equipped to deal with it! Of course Col tells me I’m beautiful all the time (aw!) but that’s his job, this is different.  I think I’m getting better, it’s difficult, but I’m trying to be gracious and not seem ungrateful for the compliments – so if I brush you off when you tell me you’re noticing my weight loss or you think my new hair routine is a world better than how it was before, I apologise.

One of my newcomers commented on my Graduation pictures scattered about my living room, it feels like it was so long ago but it’s still pretty recent history and even I can see a difference from those pictures.  My Graduation pictures disgust me.  Since then though, I’ve changed, in more ways than I think I realise.  I’m still holding out hope that I’ll continue to shift another chunk of this weight before our wedding day so I can have pictures that don’t make me feel sick to my stomach scattered around the living room instead!

I’ve been missing music lately, whether it’s because I’ve started dancing, or because of our Sing Star parties, or cause I have some inert music chip in my skull I’m missing it.  Specifically, I’m missing singing in a choir and I’m missing taking part in musicals.  I should really look into drama groups here, now that I have a car…but you know I’ll procrastinate my way out of that!

My favourite show, hands down was Godspell with the Bosco Drama Group – It was a huge landmark in my life (and had killer costumes! LOL!) and the music was fantastic – not to mention the people I met!

Alright…we’ve just broken out Battlestar Galactica which we STILL haven’t finished, so I’m distracted, I’m sure I had something a lot more philosophical to say but that’s all I got for now!

Anyone watching BB:UK? Who do you want to win?